On Being Just a SAHM

Being a stay at home mom is such an interesting role.  I didn't really give it much thought until I became one, of course.  Motherhood has opened my eyes and given me a different perspective on life entirely.  Funny how that happened.

I was out with girlfriends this week and one of them was praising her mother for the work she does outside the home.  She said something to the effect of, "I'm so proud of my mom.  She was just a stay at home mom for 10 years and now she's worked her way up to this really great job."  

The word that made the most impact on me was just.

What does it mean to be just a stay at home mom?  

I know bloggers debate the merits of staying at home with your children vs. working ad nauseum.  That is not my purpose.  I'm more concerned with how society views women who chose to stay home to raise their children.  I'm concerned that my daughter will think less of me for not having a "real" job.  For just raising her.

The truth is, my mama didn't raise no dummy.  I was valedictorian of my class in high school.  I was pre-med and I have a Master's degree in Biology.  But I don't work outside the home.  I could.  I did.  But I chose not to.

So why do I, along with so many others in my shoes, have such a stigma attached to our role?  Like somehow we are less intelligent because we aren't technically employed?

It just struck me I guess.

And honestly, I couldn't care less what society thinks of me.  But I do care about what my daughter thinks.  Perhaps this is just a reminder to myself to show her women are valuable in so many ways.  We have talents and skills and can chose to use them in anyway we desire.  And whatever we chose, it doesn't make us less intelligent.  Or useful.  

Raising children, no matter how you do it, is tough work people.  Breaking down the stereotypes of the world and forming these little minds is not for the faint of heart.  It's the biggest challenge of my life, but one I'm taking head on.  Somehow, my girl will know the job I hold now is no less important than the job I held before.  That my brains did not simply ooze out of my head the day I stopped working.  

Because just being a stay at home mom?  Hardest thing I've ever done.

7 Days and Counting

Written Saturday 5/7/11

Natalie and I are having a girls' week this week.

Matt's out of the country.  Yep.  You read that right.  He's not just out of town.  The man is currently on a 20 hour flight hovering over the Pacific Ocean.  Please don't feel too bad for him.  He's in business class living the good life.  I know, right?  Jerk.

Tonight was night number one of seven us girls will spend without him.  And honestly, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I knew this trip was coming so I pulled on my big girl panties and put on a brave face.  But tonight, I totally broke down.  I kept thinking about how all of the responsibility of our little girl is solely on me.  Me.  And I feel very alone.

I find it odd that this is effecting me so much...especially since Natalie and I spend so much time together already just the two of us.  Matt's job keeps him late during the week so he usually is getting home when I'm putting her to bed.  But he's still my rock.  My little cushion if something goes wrong.  If she won't go to sleep, I know he'll be home to rock her and calm her down.  If my arms hurt from carrying her all over creation because she refuses to be put down....he'll be there to take over.  He's there as my sounding board when I get worried about her.  We figure things out together.  We're a team.  Even if I'm at home doing the "heavy lifting," I know I can because I have him to lean on.

But when his plane took off, a wave of worry rushed over me.  Suddenly I felt so nervous, like I wouldn't even be able to put her to sleep by myself...even though I do it every single night.  All the confidence I had in my abilities as a mother completely evaporated.

I'm not sure why this happened.  Matt's been on trips before.  This is not the first time I've been alone with our little girl.  It is definitely the longest stretch...and the furthest he's been away...so maybe that has something to do with it.  I can't be sure.  Whatever the reason, I'm hoping these feelings fade as the week progresses. 

Fortunately, Natalie is currently sleeping soundly in her crib.  She went down easily and will more than likely sleep 12+ hours just like every other night.  But no one will be there to move her video monitor when she scoots herself out of the picture at 2:00 a.m.  And when I wake up to that empty screen in the morning, I will miss my husband even more.

A Little Update...

So much to update you on!  What better way than with the old stand by bulleted post, right? 

• My last day of work was on the 17th.  I'm officially a SAHM with no baby yet :)  It was a bittersweet last day as so many of my co-workers were incredibly thoughtful about me leaving.  Isn't it sad, though, that you only really find out how much you are appreciated until you leave? 

• Upon my retirement, I spent all of my time preparing the house for our Christmas visitors!  I finally cleaned up the dining room and the study which had become catch-alls for anything and everything I didn't know what to do with.  I also baked my little heart out!

• We welcomed a whole host of visitors this year to Cleveland for the holidays.  My parents, Matt's parents, my sister and her husband, and my brother all stayed with us for several days to celebrate.  Everyone was so worried about me having to do so much with everyone here, but I seriously don't think I did a thing.  Whenever I woke up the dishes were done and put away and the kitchen was always clean.  It's like I had a built in maid-service for three days. 

• Christmas was just wonderful!  I got some amazing gifts from my family and we were able to soak in so much time together.  Simply precious.

• My brother stayed a few extra days to help Matt and I get the nursery ready!  Her little room is now finally painted (touch ups still to be completed), she has a completed hutch, and her glider came yesterday!  All of her furniture is here just waiting for her arrival.  I even knocked out the assembly to the stroller by myself.  Impressive, yes?

• Speaking of the babykins, perhaps I had an exam yesterday and I am already at 4 cm and 100% effaced!  I was 3 cm about a week and a half ago so I am progressing slowly...but my doc assured me to get to the hospital ASAP when and if I break my water...as this baby girl is coming fast!  Apparently I am a great candidate for a natural childbirth, if I choose to go that route, as I am already further along than many women at the beginning of their labors.  So...we shall see!

• Matt went back to work today so I feel as if this is my first day truly being "home" and not working.  So far I have gotten up at 6 a.m., done two loads of laundry, made a list for Walmart where I intend to get my extremely overdue oil changed, and watched two episodes of Saved by the Bell.  I'm pretty sure the day can already be classified as a success.