Written Saturday 5/7/11
Natalie and I are having a girls' week this week.
Matt's out of the country. Yep. You read that right. He's not just out of town. The man is currently on a 20 hour flight hovering over the Pacific Ocean. Please don't feel too bad for him. He's in business class living the good life. I know, right? Jerk.
Tonight was night number one of seven us girls will spend without him. And honestly, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I knew this trip was coming so I pulled on my big girl panties and put on a brave face. But tonight, I totally broke down. I kept thinking about how all of the responsibility of our little girl is solely on me. Me. And I feel very alone.
I find it odd that this is effecting me so much...especially since Natalie and I spend so much time together already just the two of us. Matt's job keeps him late during the week so he usually is getting home when I'm putting her to bed. But he's still my rock. My little cushion if something goes wrong. If she won't go to sleep, I know he'll be home to rock her and calm her down. If my arms hurt from carrying her all over creation because she refuses to be put down....he'll be there to take over. He's there as my sounding board when I get worried about her. We figure things out together. We're a team. Even if I'm at home doing the "heavy lifting," I know I can because I have him to lean on.
But when his plane took off, a wave of worry rushed over me. Suddenly I felt so nervous, like I wouldn't even be able to put her to sleep by myself...even though I do it every single night. All the confidence I had in my abilities as a mother completely evaporated.
I'm not sure why this happened. Matt's been on trips before. This is not the first time I've been alone with our little girl. It is definitely the longest stretch...and the furthest he's been away...so maybe that has something to do with it. I can't be sure. Whatever the reason, I'm hoping these feelings fade as the week progresses.
Fortunately, Natalie is currently sleeping soundly in her crib. She went down easily and will more than likely sleep 12+ hours just like every other night. But no one will be there to move her video monitor when she scoots herself out of the picture at 2:00 a.m. And when I wake up to that empty screen in the morning, I will miss my husband even more.
Waiting is the Hardest Part
1 day ago