Monday, May 9, 2011

7 Days and Counting

Written Saturday 5/7/11

Natalie and I are having a girls' week this week.

Matt's out of the country.  Yep.  You read that right.  He's not just out of town.  The man is currently on a 20 hour flight hovering over the Pacific Ocean.  Please don't feel too bad for him.  He's in business class living the good life.  I know, right?  Jerk.

Tonight was night number one of seven us girls will spend without him.  And honestly, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I knew this trip was coming so I pulled on my big girl panties and put on a brave face.  But tonight, I totally broke down.  I kept thinking about how all of the responsibility of our little girl is solely on me.  Me.  And I feel very alone.

I find it odd that this is effecting me so much...especially since Natalie and I spend so much time together already just the two of us.  Matt's job keeps him late during the week so he usually is getting home when I'm putting her to bed.  But he's still my rock.  My little cushion if something goes wrong.  If she won't go to sleep, I know he'll be home to rock her and calm her down.  If my arms hurt from carrying her all over creation because she refuses to be put down....he'll be there to take over.  He's there as my sounding board when I get worried about her.  We figure things out together.  We're a team.  Even if I'm at home doing the "heavy lifting," I know I can because I have him to lean on.

But when his plane took off, a wave of worry rushed over me.  Suddenly I felt so nervous, like I wouldn't even be able to put her to sleep by myself...even though I do it every single night.  All the confidence I had in my abilities as a mother completely evaporated.

I'm not sure why this happened.  Matt's been on trips before.  This is not the first time I've been alone with our little girl.  It is definitely the longest stretch...and the furthest he's been maybe that has something to do with it.  I can't be sure.  Whatever the reason, I'm hoping these feelings fade as the week progresses. 

Fortunately, Natalie is currently sleeping soundly in her crib.  She went down easily and will more than likely sleep 12+ hours just like every other night.  But no one will be there to move her video monitor when she scoots herself out of the picture at 2:00 a.m.  And when I wake up to that empty screen in the morning, I will miss my husband even more.


melissa said...

Sorry you're flying solo for a while. That's no fun. But you'll be great! Post some pictures of your sweet girl if you get some time! :)

The Shabby Princess said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry that he's so far away on a work trip! Stupid work!

You know I'm here if you need anything--you can call at 3AM if Natalie is crying and you need someone to vent to. You know I'm here!

love you!

Lucy Marie said...

I'm so sorry it didn't work out for us to meet up while he is away. I know what you mean - Evan works late almost every day lately, too, but there's still somethiing about knowing he's coming home. It's NOT the same when he's not. You'll be fine this week ... I'll be praying for you.

Tatiana said...

oh hon, I know how you feel about that. I would go insane, too if my hubby would be gone for 7 days.
But you're a great momma so you'll be ok :-)
And will you please send Natalie to have a talk to Giada and teach her how to sleep for 12 hrs!!?!?!! Please!!!
My girl does not know how to sleep for more than 3-4hrs at a time. I'm going a little nuts over here. Thanks :-)

Tiffany said...

You will do awesome and he will be back before you know it!! Enjoy your time and good luck!!

Happiness Is... said...

Hugs. I know the feeling. The husband was gone for 3 VERY long nights when Thatcher was about 6 weeks old. It was so hard. Hang in there - I find it oddly empowering...but emotionally draining!